Best Resume Writing Bloopers
Truth is stranger than fiction. Take a break and discover more reasons why proofreading your resume is so important. These are actual cover letter, job application, and resume bloopers I have collected over the years:
- References available upon quest
- References: Dictionary, Almanac, and the Guinness Book of World Records
- References available upon my request
- References to be executed upon request
- All references subject to request
- Will provide sootable references
- References will provide references
- References will be prorated
- References to be furnished upon reguest
- References furnished when accounted for
- References contact information upon reguess
- Adamant References included
Application Bloopers
Under “Please list your past experience:”
- I don’t believe in reincarnation.
- I like to live in the present.
- Did not keep track.
- I have no past.
- I’m not married.
- I have no experience but I am willing to find some.
- I have been clean and sober since college.
- My experience is all present
Reason for Leaving Last Job:
- Fired
- Hated my boos
- No thank you
- Maturity leave
- I’m not leaving
- Took leave of abstinence
- Didn’t need one
- The policy manual forced me to
- For a bitter job
- Divorce
- Boss was having an affair and his wife found out
- They don’t know I left
- Too many abstinences
- I didn’t steal anything
Achievements
- Won $17,334. at the dog track
- Hypnotized
- Featured on Girls Gone Wild
- Guest on the Jerry Springer show
- Still looking for some
- Able to avoid sexual harassment suits
- Spent the summer learning to surf
- Got my boss fired
Resume Objectives
- Looking for an employer that will appreciate my ability to optimize my time.
- Seeking position where I can reach my potential from my position.
- Seeking a job ass manager.
- I am resigned from a position that will allow me to exceed.
- Seeking an opportunity where my employer can take full advantage of me.
- To secure employment in a secure position where I can utilize my background in security.
Resume Statements
- Able to focus on single mutli-tasks
- Perform tasks through optimizer
- Great multi-asking ability
- Perform research spills without supervision
- Atenttion to Detail
- Detail oriental
- Able to compete difficult tasks
- Competent with Lexus Mexus
- Processed farms for immigrants
- Collaborated independently on projects
- Contracted diseases for several hospitals
- Approved of my wage increases
- Found lost items that had been lost
- Demonstrated quit thinking
- Performed teamwork Independently
Copyright 2009 Phil Baker
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